Hangnails
If you could actually see my hands, hangnails have grown that I play around in removing them, yet the real (hard core) nails have not been cut. Try to hold my hands and it would feel a little coarse and those little lumps brought about by the veins have protruded more. You can to look at me straight in the eye, but you’ll first notice those pores that have become more visible in that area near my nose, and you can already count on the pimple scars that have occupied my now eye-bagged face.
I can always blame it to the stress that has taken over my body, since I recently have been striving to do well with the work that has been given to me. It’s not easy to do well, I tell you, in a place where you don’t really know where to exactly fit yourself in. There sure has been that ‘great official welcome’ from the new country and new life here, but you now how it always is especially challenging at the start. I could just hope I’ll eventually see the light in all these.
But hell no, stress at work is not the only reason.
Thankfully, there have been people whom I can always run to so as to keep myself sane; to air those sudden outbursts of hidden, unexplained emotions; to be patiently reminded to be strong and to be assured that I have people to expect when I get back. Kudos to the people behind this whole WWW revolution, I find it just so easy to connect to anyone via the internet.
Combine the pressure from work and this dependence on people, whom I could just be so embarrassed of, really… and I surprisingly find myself getting teary-eyed from a song, enough to do another outpour of repressed feelings. Sometimes, no matter how you think you can carry them all in, leaks will still find their way through. You strive to concentrate and get busy, hoping to keep the bugging thought out of your mind, but the more you get bitten by the burden of it. You then ask yourself what has kept you holding on to its suppressing weight, and you answer by saying there’s no way you could throw it back to the real cause, without getting a much painful rebound.
I can always blame it to the stress that has taken over my body, since I recently have been striving to do well with the work that has been given to me. It’s not easy to do well, I tell you, in a place where you don’t really know where to exactly fit yourself in. There sure has been that ‘great official welcome’ from the new country and new life here, but you now how it always is especially challenging at the start. I could just hope I’ll eventually see the light in all these.
But hell no, stress at work is not the only reason.
Thankfully, there have been people whom I can always run to so as to keep myself sane; to air those sudden outbursts of hidden, unexplained emotions; to be patiently reminded to be strong and to be assured that I have people to expect when I get back. Kudos to the people behind this whole WWW revolution, I find it just so easy to connect to anyone via the internet.
Combine the pressure from work and this dependence on people, whom I could just be so embarrassed of, really… and I surprisingly find myself getting teary-eyed from a song, enough to do another outpour of repressed feelings. Sometimes, no matter how you think you can carry them all in, leaks will still find their way through. You strive to concentrate and get busy, hoping to keep the bugging thought out of your mind, but the more you get bitten by the burden of it. You then ask yourself what has kept you holding on to its suppressing weight, and you answer by saying there’s no way you could throw it back to the real cause, without getting a much painful rebound.
2 comments:
dude, i can relate. just remember "it doesn't hurt to make your outsides looking beautiful when your insides are badly hurt..", motto ko na yan..hehe. treat yourself to a spa or some pampering, go shopping sa ukay ukay, or mag food trip kahit mag isa, just to be able to put you focus on another thing. mahirap cause i'm trying to do it right now, but we need to or else we'll end up pitying ourselves. buzz ka lang if you need anything.
neng, nararamdaman ko na. malapit na ako mapagod sa kagagahan ko. excited na ako doon. naawa na siguro yung sarili ko saken. haha. salamat neng ah!
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